whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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