Will you blow on my dice?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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