shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
