we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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