THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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