the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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