My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
