I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
this hospital has no fireball
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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