Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
