you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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