so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize