Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
