So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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