just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize