Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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