dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
