Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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