i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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