He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize