my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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