Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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