I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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