saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
