nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
