i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
