Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
