I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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