why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i drank out of a bidet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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