Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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