I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
