So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
