we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize