Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
