Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
