Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
