its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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