So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
