he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
