I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
