The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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