she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
