i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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