we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
