Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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