Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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