How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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