how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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