is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize