i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
