If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We need a shit load of segways right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
