If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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