I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
