i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
