Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
