I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
