You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
