they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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