Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
