What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
