remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
