Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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